Titles in search of books

I’ve often got book titles muddled in my head before wondering what they would be like if they had really existed.

How, for example, would these presumed lost works stand up as literature, as classics?

  • A Timely History of Briefs: possibly a soft-porn title to be kept under the counter?
  • Shady Gifts of Feys: a fairytale of bondage and more, perhaps.
  • The Unbearable Importance of Being Lightly Earnest: a lost title by Oscar Kundera — or was it Milan Wilde? I get confused.
  • Noh Country for Omens: Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman’s Good Omens adapted by Cormac McCarthy for the Japanese stage.
  • You Rang, M’Lord? A lost episode of Downton ghost-written by Tolkien, originally titled The Rings of the Lord.
  • Scents and Sensitivity: Jane Austen’s handbook on allergic rhinitis and other aspects of hay fever, edited by Noel Coward.
  • Tender Is The Knight: prequel by Sir Walter Scott Fitzgerald in which Ivanhoe gets saddle-sore.
  • A Room of One’s Own with a View: the tale of Rapunzel re-imagined by Woolf and Forster.
  • The Angry Caterpillar: the diary of a butterfly larva with IBS.
  • Alice threw the Working Class: how Dodgson’s heroine rose above her humble origins to graduate from Oxford debt-free.

Suggestions below, please, as to the kind of mash-ups you wouldn’t mind seeing on bookshelves.

37 thoughts on “Titles in search of books

  1. inkbiotic

    Those are great titles!
    I always seem to muddle up delightful book The Hungry Caterpillar (that you mention there!) with the disturbing horror flick I’ve never watched The Human Centipede, creating either The Hungry Centipede or the Human Caterpillar. Not sure I want to see either on the shelves though…

    The Dice Man Cometh maybe? Like the Dice Man, but with more alcohol.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Did I mention her degree was in IT security and that she was covertly involved in dezinformatsiya for the Russians? No? Still think it’s fantasy?

      Of course, is joke, no? Is fantasy! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  2. 50 Shades of Greys – a gardening book for oldies
    A portrait of the dog in the night time – by that well-known vet Joyce Haddon
    The Three Marketeers – reminiscences of ad men
    The Compleat Anger – bio of Donald Trump
    War and peace for the idiot- military training book

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Hah! Great offerings to our Virtual Library, Gert (or ‘gurt offerings’ as they say in the West Country). I fancy though that Fifty Sheds for Greys has already been co-opted for gardening pensioners, likely to lead to confusion in some aged minds… Joyce Haddon, now there’s an author we don’t hear enough of these days. And I gather Trump may have already been disparaged by the use of the term ‘the compleat dangler’, but I’m not sure what the complainant is referring to, his tiny hands maybe?

      Liked by 2 people

  3. What an interesting selection!
    Do you have copies of David Goldmeadow (an upmarket version of a Dickens of a story) or his raunchy story Sale of Two . . . , or, perhaps, A Town Like Alice in Wonderland, or The Pit and the Pendulum – a book for swingers to dig? Or any of the Hairy Porter books? One can get carried away with those.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I don’t have copies of these, sadly, least of all A Sale of Two Dot Dot Dots. And I’ve been searching in vain for William Archibald Spooner’s other lost works, such as Trek fast at Biffany’s and Who the Tight Louse.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Ah yes, those phrase identifications! I immediately thought of my own post title here which I suppose must be an unconscious echo of Six Characters in Search of an Author by Pirandello, though I’ve neither read nor seen the play. Hmm, Barbara Pym: you must be the third person in the last few days who’s referenced her, so I really ought to see what the fuss is about… 😁


  4. Ha ha ha ha ha!!! Noh Country for Omens is my favourite! *snorting with laughter* This was hilarious. I have no suggestions, I’m not this kind of clever, but oh! I hope you do another of these posts in time. 😀 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hello – I found a few more on my shelves:

    “Block Beauty” – how the city got another brutalist skyscraper
    “The Death of the Heart of Darkness at Noon” – an orphan hides in a tropical jungle before being killed in a Stalinist purge
    “Gaudy Knight” – an Arthurian legend of fashionable armour set in an Oxford College
    “Rogue Mail” – how the post office ran amok
    “Howard’s End of the Affair “- how a bookcase ending a wartime romance
    “Tender is the Nightwood” – a glamorous lesbian couple of goths drinking in the South of France
    “Raiser’s Edge” – a traumatized WW1 pilot becomes a successful fund-raiser
    “Steppenwolf Hall” – A German man has a spiritual crisis in an old house in Wiltshire
    “Fahrenheit 451 Years of Solitude” – just before his death, a South American colonel discovers how to burn books
    “The Glass Bead Game of Thrones” – a young man advances in a world torn apart by competing fantasies plus dragons,
    “The Martian Chronicles of a Death Foretold” – even after fair warning Americans cannot stop the end of the world
    “Gone With the Wind in the Willows” – in which the wild wooders set fire to Atlanta and Toad declares he will never go hungry again

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You have some very eclectic bookshelves, it seems to me, but I like to put my name down on the waiting list for the last five titles, if I may, any one of which will suit my current mood, and tastes… 😁

      Liked by 1 person

Do leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.