Bestest

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Sheltered bay seen from the Pembrokeshire Coast footpath

 

“This is the bestest website in the worlds!”

I rather liked this one-off comment in a recent post. Try saying it in your choice of voice — breathless, maybe, or like that raspy voice-over in film trailers.

What a compliment! The bestest website — very Shakespearean that — the doubled superlative intensifying and raising calmgrove to the pinnacle of perfection, the apogee of worthiness, the zenith of …

But then the flatterer spoils it all. The bestest in the universe of worlds? That very plurality pricks the bubble of satisfaction I’ve inflated around me: the lickspittle is clearly inviting me to partake of a fantasy existence where offworld civilisations acknowledge the primacy of my creation. I’m left to wonder why such an obvious appeal to ego has been left, what purpose it serves for me or for the sychophant.

So far this is the bestest [sic] of all the spam comments I’ve had (if spam it is, as the compliment-giver doesn’t seem to be selling anything). Mostly I’m addressed as “Dear Web Admin, I notice …” or am invited to purchase fake branded clothing and accessories.

So I wonder what’s the most fatuous comment you’ve had to one of your posts, the most insincere compliment you’ve been paid, or the mostest ridiculous observation that has ever graced your inbox? (No names, no pack drill!) Can you top this acme of acuity?

Sorry, I meant vacuity.

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19 thoughts on “Bestest

  1. I prefer educational comments, like this recent one on my blog: “Vraiment fascinant : selon moi ce poste devrait intéresser une gonzesse.”
    Now I know how to say “dude” and “chick” in French!

  2. earthbalm

    Perhaps I’m lucky, I don’t seem to get much in the way of unwanted postings. And no, that isn’t an invitation to all and sundry…

    1. Most spam postings detected by Akismet and squirrelled away in a separate folder eventually get automatically deleted, I believe, Dale. Sometimes worth looking at the folder in case genuine comments get diverted there — Akismet have sometimes been known (as I’ve noted in http://wp.me/s2oNj1-spam) to get it wrong!

  3. I haven’t had many – but then I’ve only been blogging about a year.
    I did have one chap who followed me and left a couple of odd comments and who seemed to be somehow blacklisted by several other blogs – steered clear of him.
    And had one or two where people have done the typical spam thing of not even reading or commenting on the post, just leaving a link to their own blog – I think I sent a comment back to one, lecturing them on blogging etiquette, explaining they wouldn’t make many bloggy friends behaving so badly.
    Mainly, I’ve been very lucky and met some very lovely, kind and supportive folk. It’s been a good place to be overall. 🙂
    At least your comment was in praise of calmgrove – even if the English was pretty poor!

    1. Good you’ve not been plagued too much, Lynn — perhaps Akismet’s algorithms are proving especially effective compared to when I first started, or perhaps I was just too assiduous in checking spam.

      Yep, if all such comments are praise, with no strings attached, that’d be rather nice! I’d even forgive the grammar …

  4. A life-long Luddite I’ve only recently entered the blog-o-sphere – whatever that may be. In fact it was only last year when a relative suggested I create my own. I needed to learn what the hell one was before tentatively creating ‘YellowBellyAches’ my first effort. That was a Blogger presentation and has since been mothballed. But, as I’m an ardent waffler, I was immediately bitten by the blog-bug and am happy to bang away at the keys for hours on end, happy as a pig in poo. And the point I’m making? Well, as an infant blogger, I’m still at the stage where any comment – however nonsensical is welcomed. That’s not to suggest that yours are, by the way. Nonsensical, I mean. They ARE welcomed, of course. I’ll end here, I think.

    1. 🙂

      I think that for most bloggers it’s that dialogue (diablog perhaps?diablogue?) that mostly justifies the effort of committing words to the ether. If some of it is nonsense, well that’s just art imitating life — we can’t filter conversations for mundanity, and perhaps we shouldn’t expect social media to be any different, however much we try. Hmm, getting a bit philosophical, must curb that tendency …

      Hey, why don’t we try to get #diablogue trending?!

  5. I’ve not had many spam comments that make any sense. Most of the time they read like a spam bot gone off the rails.
    You know Chris, this may be an alien life form trying to reach out. Notice he said “worlds”. Who knows, your writing may be appreciated by many life forms. Spam bots and aliens included 🙂

    I want to make a Twitter hashtag, #You’rethebestestbecause

    1. Sometimes I barely appreciate something I’ve written, Sari, let alone ET or something with life-but-not-as-we-know-it! But thanks for your supportive words. 🙂

      I’ll look out for your Twitter hashtag — be interested in who/what you mention!

  6. As I have had over 31,000 plus spam mail…..yes 31,000…..I must be doing something right for the last three years, not. Every single one of them…rubbish, I have stopped looking at them….just the amount, it makes me smile 🙂

    1. You have to admire the dedication and patience (which must be occasionally rewarded) even as we excoriate the bad grammar, the poor spelling, the lack of logic, the brazenness, the non sequiturs and the nuisance value of these pernicious missives!

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